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Mar. 25th, 2008 @ 11:04 am Who knows what day?
Current Mood: weird
So here I am...still in San Diego. It's now been almost 5 months since I moved. I miss my friends and family. I'm pretty alone out here. It sucks. Mike's been gone on deployment for the past 2 months. I'll see him again in another couple months.

I've never been so alone in my life. It's not easy. I honestly struggle from day to day trying to fool myself into why I still wake up every day.

I think this place is fucking me up.

Maybe I should write more, but then I know someone might worry. The last thing I need to do is burden anyone with myself. I'm not a little girl anymore.

Anyway, I hope you all are well.

xox

p.s. The 23rd this month was our 1 year anniversary. But that's all I will say about that. It's not worth talking about.
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Dec. 6th, 2007 @ 11:11 pm Entry #22 [Mike is home..ish]
Current Mood: lonely
I just realized I haven't updated in forever. Just so you all know, I'm now living in San Diego with my wonderful husband. Unfortunately he's currently out to sea so it's kind of boring here for me. I don't know anyone and am not working, so it's a day to day struggle to keep myself occupied.

Anyway, I hope you all are doing well.

<3
Ivy
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Aug. 29th, 2007 @ 10:00 pm Entry #21 [Day 149 for Mike]
Current Mood: contemplative
It's crazy that in just a few weeks I will be living cross country...2600+ miles away from anything and everything I know. In one aspect I'm excited, in another I'm scared, in another I'm sad. I think of how everything will be new to me...I will get the chance to start all over, so to speak. I'll live in a place where everything doesn't remind me of mom or my past. Hopefully I'll be able to look towards the future more than I ever have been able to before.

I know I'll never stop missing her and I know that my eyes will always water when I think of a time that once was. I just need to remember that I will see her again one day. I promised her. I never said goodbye and I never will. I know she would be happy to see me moving on with my life and heading towards a happier, better, more fulfilling time in my life. I know she would be proud of me trying to heal the wounds that this life has brought upon me. God I miss her so much.

It's getting so close to Mike coming back home...and I can't wait to wrap my arms around him. Just the feeling of his lips against mine for the first time in nearly 7 months is going to melt me to the very core. I would definitely wait forever for him. He's my life...he's my best friend...he's my lover...he's my sanity...he's my healer...he's my everything.

I just want to start my new life. I want to be a new person. I want to be the kind of woman my mother was. She was the strongest, kindest, most sincere, confident, beautiful, amazing, funny, inspiring being I have ever met and probably will ever meet in my life. I know I've got a ways to go with myself, but I know she'll be with me in my heart the entire way. I don't think I will ever be quite like her, but if I can leave this life knowing that I did the best I could with my family, my friends and myself, then that will be good enough.

I guess I'm having an emo moment. Sometimes even angry girls get teary eyed. :) If you made it this far into my entry, you get cyber hugginz! *HUGS* Thank you for taking the time to read.

<3

p.s. I wish I would've bought these glasses instead of just trying them on. Aren't they fabulous?! :D

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Aug. 19th, 2007 @ 01:03 am Entry #20 [Day 139 for Mike]
Current Mood: high
So Mike is supposed to fly out and come see/get me around mid October. Not too long to go. :) I'm pretty effin' happy I'll be able to see him again. It's been so damn long. :/ Anyway, things are a-okay right now. I'm nervous about the move to the west coast, but I can't imagine doing the move with anyone else. So that's a good thing right? lol

I hope everyone is doing well, if anyone even reads this nonsense anymore. :)

<3
moi
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Aug. 6th, 2007 @ 01:12 pm Super Mario Bros: Frustration

Super Mario Bros: Frustration
"Super Mario Bros: Frustration" on Google Video
What does it sound like to play the hardest Mario levels of all time?

-----


Ahem... HA HA HA HA HA! :)
xox
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Jul. 3rd, 2007 @ 11:43 am Entry #18 [Day 92 for Mike]
Current Mood: tired
I got to see my nieces this past weekend and I had a blast. I'm going to miss those girls when I move. I love them so much it's ridiculous. My brother's ex-wife and I did a lot of talking and she's got some decisions that she's going to be enforcing shortly. Personally, he deserves what he gets for being a deadbeat father.

I go back to work tomorrow for the next couple of days and then...back to spacing out and going, "X days until I have to go back to work..."

Everyone have a great Fourth of July tomorrow! I know I will, making time and a half. lawl. Best wishes to all of you.

p.s. We're past the halfway point of Mike's deployment...huzzah! Though I do wish I heard from him more than once a week. I haven't gotten a phone call since June 4th. Oh well. I know I'll hear from him, he's probably just busy as usual. It still sucks though. :)


Bouncy bouncy on the trampoline at the girls' house!

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Jun. 14th, 2007 @ 07:46 pm Entry #17 [Day 73 for Mike]
First things first....Matt you are so gonna get crushed in a cage match. :P OH YEAH!



Okay, so yesterday marked the 1 year anniversary of my mom's death. It's kind of crazy how quickly the year blew by...it was actually going by pretty fucking slow but now it seems like time is flying. I blame it on Mike and his rice eating AZN-ness.

But wow...so much has changed and is going to change, it's quite crazy. Lots of friendships have all but disappeared and others have grown. I've found out things about people in my life that have made it easier for me to make decisions on what kind of relationship I'd like to have with them. So basically friends are few and far between nowadays. It's quite all right though, I'm on the first steps of a new life and it's not like the state of Virginia and all the people in it can move with me 2600+ miles anyway.

I'm so happy my mom gave me the ability to make my own decisions. Unlike my brother who still needs a babysitter at nearly 28 years old. I've learned a lot about myself since she left us. I've discovered weaknesses and have crushed old ones into the ground.

If I'm even 1/100th of the woman my mom was, I know I'm going to be okay in this life. I miss you mom. I love you with all my heart! Forever and ever and ever. :)

p.s. Eustanik! I love you too woman. For life. Whether you like it or not. You big dyke! <3 :)
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Jun. 7th, 2007 @ 12:34 pm Entry #16 [Day 66 for Mike]
Current Mood: amused
I think a cage fighter sounds like a bad ass occupation...Thanks Matt!!

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Jun. 6th, 2007 @ 12:15 am Entry #15 [Day 65 for Mike]
Current Mood: loved
OMFG! That douchebag of a husband of mine sent me MORE flowers! I found them today when I came home from work for lunch and there they were. 30 fucking tulips. Oh...my...god. Seriously, he's so fucking sweet to me it's digusting. I can't wait for him to get back home so I can thank him for the awesomeness that has totally brightened my week. Fucking amazing. Just check this shit out. I hope he sees this and gets mad. haha

I love you baby, you are the sunshine that keeps me warm, my rain to
ease my mind when I'm mad, my ground to walk on and support me, my
fucking everything everywhere at anytime, I wish I could really put into
words how I feel. You're so fucking amazing... that just having you in
my life makes me feel amazing. How gay does all that sound? Fucking
gay as hell, but I mean every God damn word of it. I'm so fucking in
love with you that it brings tears to my eyes and a smile to my face. I
wish I could be there to tell you these things, and to wrap my skinny
fucking arms around you.

Yeah....I love my baby. :D Even if he is a flaming emo fag. We're totally insane for each other. Seriously, we're going to end up like Bonnie and Clyde or something. hahaha He definitely put me in a way better mood than I've been in. Especially considering the craziness at work. Here's a hint, demotion, pay cut and my hours cut. So Ivy's looking for a new job. Any suggestions?
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Jun. 5th, 2007 @ 01:54 pm Entry #14 [Day 65 for Mike]
Current Mood: high
My baby is fucking amazing. Seriously, I've been so down and out for the past few weeks and today FedEx knocked at my door. That mother fucker sent me flowers, not just any flowers, but my favorite ones. :) I can't believe he remembered me mentioning them months and months ago. Damn he's good! He wrote the sweetest message too. Mike, I know you probably wont see this for awhile, but you give me every reason to keep going, thank you. Now, to put together a care package of random shit in it with a card that says something about peanut butter and dogs... lawl!jpg">
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Jun. 3rd, 2007 @ 02:09 am Entry #13 [Day 63 for Mike]
Current Mood: weird
Hi my name's Ivy and I'm dead inside.

K thx.

:)
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May. 30th, 2007 @ 01:40 pm Entry #12 [Day 59 for Mike]
Current Mood: gloomy
I've been really down and out lately. I called out sick to work today. I'm having weird pains that started last night and haven't gone away. I'm having second thoughts about moving out to California, but I think that's the depressed/hermit side of me speaking. I really need to get back to normal, this sucks.

p.s. Rolling Thunder was neat.

Advanced Global Personality Test Results
Extraversion |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Stability |||||||||||| 46%
Orderliness |||| 16%
Accommodation |||||||||||||||| 63%
Interdependence |||||||||| 36%
Intellectual |||||||||||| 43%
Mystical |||||||||||||| 56%
Artistic |||||||||||||||| 63%
Religious || 10%
Hedonism |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Materialism |||||||||| 36%
Narcissism |||||||||||| 50%
Adventurousness |||||||||||||||| 70%
Work ethic |||||||||||| 43%
Self absorbed |||||||||||||| 56%
Conflict seeking |||||||||||||| 56%
Need to dominate |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Romantic |||||||||||||||| 70%
Avoidant |||||||||||||||| 63%
Anti-authority |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Wealth || 10%
Dependency |||||||||||||||| 70%
Change averse |||||||||||||||| 63%
Cautiousness |||||||||||||||| 63%
Individuality |||||||||||||| 56%
Sexuality |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Peter pan complex |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Physical security |||||||||||| 50%
Physical Fitness |||||| 30%
Histrionic |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Paranoia |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Vanity |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||| 63%
Indie |||||||||||||||||||||| 101%
Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com




p.s. i am a huge dork.


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May. 19th, 2007 @ 01:44 am Entry #11 [Day 48 for Mike]
Current Mood: sick
This makes me fucking sick. What the fuck is wrong with people? Seriously, I'm just about in tears over this. I can't believe all of those fucking people just stood around and watched. How the fuck did no one even attempt to protect the fucking girl? People make me want to fucking puke.
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May. 17th, 2007 @ 01:05 pm Entry #10 [Day 46 for Mike]
Current Mood: okay
So we're 1 1/2 months down. Woot bitch! Woot! I'm missing on him a lot, but I'm doing okay. He seems to be hanging in there as well which is good. I keep sending him packages and cards to keep his spirits up since I know how much he hates this shit. If I could only send rainbows and puppies I would. hahahahahahahaha I hope you read that part you asshole.

I've just been working lately...reading...watching movies...well, not too many movies, but I'm trying to. lawl I just picked up Pan's Labyrinth and I'm pretty stoked to finally get a chance to watch it, but I need a DVD player that works. Go figure right? Anyone wanna come over with a player so I can watch this damn movie? :)

I haven't been playing video games all that much lately either. Just haven't been in the mood. I keep having crazy mood swings, mostly ones of just...not wanting to talk to anyone. I've thought about taking up scrapbooking as a hobby, how lame am I? What's funny is Mike said he would get into it as well. hahaha Best husband ever.

I hope you all are doing well...I'm all right. I'll let you know when something interesting happens, if I can remember it later. lawl.

<3
moi

From bowling last week...haha white bra, black light....I am classy. I did win the one game I played though. rawfl

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Apr. 30th, 2007 @ 04:35 pm Entry #9 (Day 29 for Mike)
So I did the Relay For Life on Saturday night into Sunday morning. I made it about 9 hours before I thought my legs were going to fall off. Seriously, I did SO much walking it was ridiculous. Next time I'll be sure to be on a team that manages who is walking at what time. lol I did enjoy myself though. I kept a picture of my mom in my pocket the whole time. Yep...sure did. Anyway, here, have some pictures from it.

Oh and Mike called me yesterday....yeah....I love my baby. :) He said something about calling today, but we'll see. He's probably busy doing other people's work because they're lazy cocksucking monkey fuckers. But what can ya do? We've almost got 1 month under our belt...WOOT! I'm excited...

And now, pictures! Sorry, unsure on the cut thing, haven't done one of those in awhile. haha
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Apr. 23rd, 2007 @ 09:22 pm Entry #8 (Day 22 for Mike)
Current Mood: weird
I got my first call this morning before work  from Mike and seriously guys and girls...fucking amazing.  It was just so good to hear his voice.  I definitely did a bit of crying.  I had so much to say and all I could think of was stupid little random things and "I missed your voice so much asshole."  Yeah, way to go Ivy!  I really did though...  I love you baby...so much...I'm here Mike and I am going absolutely nowhere.  It's you and me fuckeRRR.  <3

In other news...a family friend.  Yeah...well, she died today from brain cancer.  Some fucking shit huh?  Her and her husband used to visit my mom in the hospital.  My parents have been friends with them for like 18 years.  Yeah, craziness.  She wasn't around too long after being diagnosed.  Glad she didn't have to suffer as long as my mom.  But the poor guy...they don't have kids...they've been together 25 years.  It hurts, but at the same time, I can't cry over it.  It's weird.  I hope he will be okay.

Mike and my mom.  Nothing else has made me cry in year.  Imagine that.  [Except maybe that mess with my brother, but that's one hell of an exception.]  Anyway, I'm well right now, regardless of anything else. 

Chingy [yes that's her name], I hope you've found a place where you can exist without the pain.  I know you and my mom are keeping each other great company if such a place after life exists.  Thank you for being a good friend to my parents through their ordeal.  I wish more could've been done for you.   Godspeed.

Ladies....gentlemen...so concludes Monday.

xox
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Apr. 15th, 2007 @ 09:50 pm Entry #7 (Day 14 for Mike)
Current Mood: sick
I think it's time to start writing stories [info]mike_roflcopter.  I definitely need  a release from what I feel missing you.  I've never felt this much loneliness from being seperated from someone, it's weird.  It's pretty creepy too.  So I know we can do this, it's just going to take time to adjust to.  I know the next deployment is going to be even harder.  I hate thinking about that.  One day at a fucking time.  Two weeks ago I thought I wasn't going to be able to go a day, but here we are 14 days later.  I just need to remember to keep breathing.  It's just with so much other stress it's even harder than it should be.  C'est la vie. 
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Apr. 13th, 2007 @ 06:47 pm Entry #6 (Day 12 for Mike)
Current Mood: weird
I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with this.  By this I just mean everything.  haha  I really don't.  Though I just ate Wendy's and it was delicious.  I haven't been eating much lately so I just gorged myself into a wicked stomachache.  It's nice though. 

I just wish it was October already.  I want to leave this place, I can't stand it here. 

I love my friends and I love my dad, but I just can't take this. 

I just want a new life. 

Too bad there's no ctrl + alt +del in life.  haha

Ah fuck...I'm missing you so much Mike.  You give me a release to everything that's crazy in my life.  It's really hard without you.  I hope you're doing okay though.  I hate how they cut off communications.  Hopefully you'll get the package I sent you today in a somewhat timely manner.  heh  There's some good stuff in there.  I was tempted to eat it when I was packing it.  I couldn't fit everything in the box, so I have been eating the granola bites.  They are mighty tasty too!  There's some chocolate, peanut butter rice crisp things that I couldn't fit in the box either.  I wont be eating those.  Yuck.  But if you still want me to send them, let me know.  I'll put it in the next box that I send out on the 27th or 28th. 

And on that note, I'm going to play some video games. 

Yes I have been reading everyone's comments and I'm sorry I haven't written back.  But just so you know Dez, yes...I did smile.
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Apr. 7th, 2007 @ 01:54 pm Entry #4 [Day 6 for Mike]
Current Mood: sad
It's been a rough couple of days, but I'm hanging in there.   I'm always nauseus when I wake up and it's pretty crappy.  I haven't spoke with t3h hubb3h since Wednesday morning so that pretty much sucks.  Life is crazy for some of my friends and I can only hope that they make the decision that is not only best for them but those around them. 

It's 2pm and I feel like doing something.  I don't know what though.  I need to drop off somebody's hat to them though.  I said I was bringing it back to you man, calm the fuck down.  I didn't plan on keeping it.  Besides, it doesn't even fit my head, it's too big for me.  :P  Jerk.

I slept in pretty late today, I guess I've needed it. 

I need this too...

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Apr. 4th, 2007 @ 09:39 pm Entry #3 [Day 3 for Mike]
Current Mood: depressed
This sucks.

It's just one of those days.

Lots of stress.

Quite a few tears.

And...a burnt pizza.

I lost track of time.

I'm still eating it though.

Yeah...wishing I was with [info]mike_roflcopter. 

I love you baby.

<3
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